Conversations with myself: The naked truth

Discover yourselfWe all want to discover ourselves.
It’s not true! We want to discover we are perfect, we  are kind, good and wonderful.
We want to discover only parts of us and don’t look to the not so beautiful ones. We split so well the good and bad.
  • Positive is: kindness, generosity, compassion, equilibrium, peace, sympathy, taking care of others, helping in hard times, supporting the family, sacrificing, looooove.
  • Negative is: envy, malice, pride, selfishness, arrogance, anger, hate, hate, hate.

We reject the bad and embrace only the good. Because only the good princess gets the beautiful prince, because only angels are white, because only the good wins in the movies, because modesty is appreciated… why arrogance is rejected by the others, because, because…

Amazing things will happenYou cannot discover half of you, either you take all, either nothing. You cannot take half of husband. Or half of mother, half of job. You cannot reach the good not facing the bad. And here comes the sincerity problem, that most of us we lack completely.
It’s funny how we admit we have “bad things”. My “bad” part is:
  • “I don’t trust myself”, or
  • “I am too good with people and they take advantage of me”,
  • “I don’t love myself”,
  • “I cannot stop to dedicate myself into things/ people”,
  • “I work too much”
  • “I received a hard life”
  • “I had a difficult family and I still pay for what they sent to me”
  • “I am like this because of the others, because they harmed me”
  • “I am too emotive while others are so rough”…I am..I am..anything but the real.

AngerHow often do we admit to ourselves we are selfish, that we hate, that we feel envy? So many times we say to a colleague or friend : “I am happy for you”. How much is true of this? And how much is inside: “I don’t feel happiness for you, I want also these things you have/ received/ accomplished and I would feel better if you wouldn’t have so I don’t realize I don’t have them”. I am not saying now to go to people and tell them we feel good for their bad, or we don’t like them, or whatever. The scope is not being honest with the rest, but with ourselves. Cultivating real relations between us is hard in this times when we need to pretend we feel only good things. Isn’t it like a paradox?  The more we talk about love, compassion and try to feel love for the rest, the more we lack something inside. The more we feel more empty, more tired, more bored, more lost. We all say how much we appreciate the sincerity, but we run to people who can lie to our face, people who are never saying us anything bad about ourselves, people who are always saying “That bitchy friend you have. Really? He/ She did this to you? For sure he/ she is jealous…and stupid in plus, not like you. You don’t need that person anymore” 🙂

You're a special kind of idiot
The naked truth is here, under the carpet. It’s under the corner where we never want to look. Because we cannot admit we are not wonderful. Because we complain that we are not great and perfect, but when it’s time to see a bad thing in us we escape, we run, we say no. I am not like this, I am sure I am not. All I want is peace in the world! 🙂
Visit Africa
The naked truth is when you look to yourself and feel the hate, the envy, the frustration. When you feel the black inside.When you realize you try to be modest so others loves you and appreciate you. When you realize you put a very kind smile so others answers you the same and don’t reject you. When you realize that you try to be good so you feel that nothing is shaking inside. You are in harmony.
I don’t think we born in harmony, so in order to get to that real harmony, we need to face the disharmony. And here is a mistake we many do. Most of us considers disharmony comes from outside. “I am the person today for the things I passed in life”. “For the difficult moments I had I am now a strong person”. A harmonic one. The difficult times can only give us lessons and glasses to watch inside us. That’s all can give us. Not power, intelligence or kindness…
Instead of trying so much to be a nice person, why to don’t put some energy in understanding what we are? We are good and bad. We are envy and generosity. We are hate and love. We are kindness and malice We are joy and frustration. It’s ok. Maybe one day those “bad’ things will get out into the light and you will be able to breathe free. But this starts with 100 kilos of sincerity. If not, put back your mask, your daily costume and get back to your 24 hours job where you need to impress, to look like you care, say nice things, do pretty things, smile with compassion, listen with worry the problems of the others, look humble and modest, appreciate how wonderful are the others. And then get to your boyfriend/ husband/ children home and “vomit” anger, bad words, sadness, reproaches, tears… Which one are you? Which one is your real job? We pray for peace and understanding life, like these are gifts coming from the sky. In fact, we don’t want to move a finger to do this. Why? Because we know deep down inside there is something we don’t like there and we don’t want to see it.
How free we could be without trying so much all the time to be pink instead of …yellow.
I really fucking hate people
From hate to love.
We try to schedule our hearts to feel love, to spread love and compassion. To be kind and good. Because we know this is the great thing. We know this is taking us to the happiness. To peace. To equilibrium. But I feel we try to skip some steps. I feel we need acceptance. Don’t try to change the hate for a person or situation directly into love. Try first to change it to acceptance. Try to accept that person. Let the love for later. Let love to choose when it will want to come. Or if will want to come. This is freedom. Stop pushing the cells of your body to take a direction you don’t want and try to find your way, no matter how it is. The acceptance is so good. There is no fight into it. No stress I don’t like what I feel/ I am ashamed of what I feel/ I shouldn’t feel. And also, no stress I am not in the right spot, I don’t feel what I dream to feel.
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