A bound between two people is something great, no matter is based on parent love, partner love, family or friendship. And, as any relation, it has to be treated with attention, respect and generosity. I think we all agree in these subjects, but how many we really apply? Aren’t too stuck on what we think about friendship and we tend to treat it in a superficial way? We all want friends, the same as we want a partner, a house and great job. Is it possible friendship transformed more into a pylon of our perfect great lives?
So how should be friendships? What we should expect from it? Are we expecting too much? It’s true: friendship can be on different levels, you have from very close friends to not so close friends. I will refer to the ones are more close.
I feel friendship is based more on a mutual change of affection and help. We call each other, listen (maybe) each other and support for all the things we are complaining about. Sometimes the friend becomes the “wall”, not so different from the facebook one. We put on the wall what we want to be seen and receive what we want to receive.
Do we talk about love in friendship? We should, no? Because a really strong connection between 2 people, no matter is just friendship, not marriage should have love in the equation . How many friends we really love, not pretending to love? Love is most of all a way to give, accept, trust and feel. It’s a way of opening our hearts. Not at last, a proof we can love ourselves.
- Time…to listen
What about the time to spend with friends? Yes..lots of this. How much of this is constructive and not just something to hang out. I love shared activities, I think it’s great and fun. But besides this, do we have also constructive shared time when I stop to create just a nice wall in my front?…when I just find a listener that approves everything I say?
Do I really listen the other? Do I really try to see his opinion and not judge everything he says? Did you try to really discover your friend? Sometimes we have this bad habit to judge everything the others are saying, instead of letting it flow. What about putting on hold the mind and try to really offer your time to the other one, by really listening, by trying to understand and not judge what he should do by your set of rules.
- Open doors
I believe in the therapy of friendship, better than going to a shrink sometimes. The friend can be one of the first people you start open your heart, you let him see you the way you are. And we need this exercise: the exercise of not hiding under the masks, the exercise of trying to be ourselves along with other people. Even if ourselves is not so great as we would like to be, even if I am not so proud of this “myself”, not so beautiful, not so skinny, not so smart, not so successful, not so mature. I don’t think you need a shrink to discover the treasure inside you, you can do by yourself or…with a good friend.
- Friendship boxes
This is what I can call whatever you find on internet, movies and around about friendship. A lot of rules about good friends and not so good ones, describing how your BFF makes the best of you, stays with you forever, never give up on you… I thought it’s a friend, not a dog. 🙂 A person equal to me, not someone who needs to proof constantly the devotion. Why my friend has to stay with me no matter what? Why my friend has to be a set of rules? How do I split who is my best friend and who not? Why we transformed the “friend” in an ideal? Maybe to be easier to get disappointed when we find out he is not?
What about trying to see friendship from other point of view than what we learned from Blair and Serena? 😛 What if we try to give our own definition, not based on asking something from the other one but just trying to live that relation, situation in our own way. Not based on everything we knew friendship should be, but maybe on love more, live more, open more! Not based on what we put in the relation and what we receive, but more on enjoying of that person.
Maybe on building something for real and not having a companion available for us whenever we want and the first moment he did something not aligned with us we get out with the “fake friend excuse”. Yes, friendship as any relation is something you need to build, not just receive it for nothing. When “good friends are hard to find” is maybe because is hard to find myself…